What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
