the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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