if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
