how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
