stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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