buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
