I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
