Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
