I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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