so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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