She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
