The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
