btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
