I am spending my child support on dildos
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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