Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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