At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
