oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
