Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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