So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
