The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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