Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
