i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
