I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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