At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
