I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
