i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
