Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
