i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I forgot wine drunk hurts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
