i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
PANTIES FOUND
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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