You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
