You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
