Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
