where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
