first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
