I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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