i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
