Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think i have two assholes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
