first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
