its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
