I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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