you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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