im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
