Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
