so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
