I got her a Nickelback box set.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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