He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
