I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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