There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
