sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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