4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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