Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
